Since ancient Rome, it has been traditional for the groom-to-be to ask the bride-to-be’s father for their permission to marry their daughter. This tradition has become controversial in Western society in recent decades, especially today. The roots of this tradition remind us of when sexism and chauvinism were manifested and women were treated like possessions. Such reminders cause for a controversial decision of whether to request for a blessing in 21st century relationships.
While these origins of such a tradition are contentious, Maya decided to adopt such a tradition. And all in spite of being a woman hoping to marry another woman whose father had long ago passed. Before we go any further with assumptions…she adopted this tradition with a twist of her own. Just like anyone can with any tradition they please, Maya redefined the ancient practice, tailoring it to fit our modern love story.
Instead of one individual, there were three individuals she had in mind to ask for their blessing.
My best friend: at my sister’s wedding last summer.
My mother: on a family hike last fall.
And my deceased father: the night before she proposed.
Maya did not ask for their blessing so to have permission to marry me. She did not ask because I was their possession or property to give away. She did not ask because it was traditional or expected. Really, anyone who knows her and us, knows she’d find a way to marry me one way or another.
Maya asked my best friend, my mother, and my father for their blessings because these people know me through and through. They know who I truly am. They know what I need. They know what I want. Even my deceased father, through mind and spirit. Maya wanted to hear and see their affirmation that we are the best people we can be for one another through matrimony.
And that they did, enthusiastically, gracefully, and willfully.